Caught Up in the Challenge
by Kiba94
Summary: Bartz and Zidane just can't pass up a challenge, and when it involves each other, it's even better! A story about their friendship and humor. Crackish most of the time. DISCONTINUED.
1. Set Up: Zidane

_Disclaimer: I don't own Final Fantasy or Square Enix. If I did, why would I be writing this? There would already be enough love for my favorite characters._

**Caught Up**

**Chapter One – Set Up (Zidane) **

"Bartz! Squall!" I called, waving my hands above my head. "Come over here!" Bartz was over in an instant, dragging a reluctant Squall.

"What is it?" Bartz asked cheerfully, as I peeked through the crevice in the rocks, laughing again.

"If it's stupid, I don't want to know." Squall said, boring as usual. What a tool.

"Zidane is never stupid!" Bartz announced. "Now, what are you looking at?" He wrestled me away from the crevice and glanced through. "The waterfall? Is that it?"

"No, lean your head to the left!"

"This way?"

"That's your right."

"Pfft. I knew that." He leaned left, and promptly started laughing. "You were looking at Warrior of Light?"

"No, farther!"

"…Terra?" He asked quizzically.

"She's bathing~"

"Zidane, you're a pervert!" He said, slapping my head but still chuckling. "Now you've just become stupid. Really!" He said, tapping my head.

"Well, there's a difference between a ladies man and a pervert!" I said, pushing Bartz aside to look at Terra again.

Squall, who hadn't spoken up till now, tapped me. "The difference is that one thinks he's classy, and the other knows he's not."

"Whaaaat?" I grinned, punching him lightly. He responded with a stone to my head. "Ouuuch, Squally, that's so mean!" Again, he responded with actions, walling up the peephole. "Squall, no! I need to be a ladies man!"

"More like you just want to look at naked girls." Bartz smiled. "That's so lame, dude. You really should just respect her privacy."

"You're both poop-heads! You both have brown hair!" Squall rolled his eyes. Bartz fell down laughing.

"That's so freaking funny! What the heck do you have, if you've got blonde hair?" Bartz wiped tears out of his eyes, trying to catch his breath.

"Um, what are you talking about?" I stopped laughing to turn around. Terra. "What's so funny?" She queried.

Squall glared at the two of us, turning courteously to Terra. "Nothing you really need to worry about. Guy jokes." He stood up and took her hand. "Let me take you back to camp."

When they were out of earshot, Bartz punched me. "She blushed! I bet you couldn't get her to do that!"

"I could! If she caught me looking at her, her whole face would be red!"

"Like you want her to catch you!" Good point. "Anyways, you couldn't make anyone blush." He got up, holding out his hand to me. "This sexy beast," he said, pointing to himself, "could make anyone blush. I've just got that kind of charm."

"Right. A girl wants a guy who wears the same skirt that she does."

"Shut up! It's manly!"

"Nothing says manly like heeled boots."

"Yeah. Was that sarcasm?"

"Could you tell?

"I'm sure I could make anyone blush! Even…Warrior of Light!"

"You're on, Bartz!"

Just another day in the life of a ladies man.


	2. Punchline: Bartz

**Chapter Two – Punchline (Bartz)**

I walked tentatively over to Warrior of Light. Or WoL, as I call him. He's so serious all the time, like a wall. That's how I pronounce it, anyways. "Hey, Wol!" I chirped, tapping his heavily armored shoulder. "Are you busy?"

He shook his head. I think he wasn't paying attention though. I think he just wanted me to leave. "You want to talk? I'm super bored." I put on my best puppy dog face. I wasn't about to lose to Zidane! Unfortunately, he snapped back to reality.

"Bartz, I'm busy." Ugh.

"Polishing your sword?" Oho, an opportunity presents itself!

"Yes."

"How do you polish your sword, huh? Really slowly?" I grabbed his sword and ran my fingers up it. "Or really quick?"

I don't think he got the reference. "I don't think there's really a speed to polish at."

"Right, right. I guess you just alternate speeds. So it gets _really_ clean." I grabbed the rag and polished his sword suggestively.

He looked impassive. "Bartz, you'll ruin my sword."

"Of course, you want to keep your _sword_ safely in its _sheath_." Ugh, he wasn't getting it. He probably wasn't inclined to hearing those sorts of jokes. I can just hear Zidane laughing at me! That's probably because he's in the bushes, because we're supposed to watch and see in case someone lied. Someone meaning Zidane, because he's hopeless!

"Anyways." I said, handing his sword back. "Did you have a special someone back in…Cornelia?" He nodded.

"The Princess. She was…very special to me."

"Right, right. I wonder how she would feel about…Cosmos."

"Cosmos?" He looked a little nervous. Aha, one step at a time, Bartz.

"Yeah. I mean, considering how you like her and all. Cosmosssss~" I trilled. He was starting to look uncomfortable. "How do you think the Princess feels about you and Cosmos? I heard that…" Here comes the punchline. "Zidane told me that you and Cosmos were getting it on! Over at the waterfall~" His face turned red! Yes!

"Look, it was just once!" Huh? "And it's not my fault! It's not her fault either!" His face was practically glowing…

"W-what?"

"Look, don't spread it around. I'll give you…" He handed me a Chocobo Feather. "This. It's just kind of…" He trailed off.

"OK?" I blinked a few times. "OK."

"I thought of that on the spot! I didn't really know!" Zidane slapped me, all smiles.

"Looks like you're the one who's been spying~"

"That's not my style, OK?"

"Oho~ Someone's got a little secret of his own~"

"Stop! Anyways, I won this round. Did you really think messing up his hair was gonna work?"

"Well, it was worth it."

"It was worth your black eye?"

"I admit, it did hurt. But that's not what we need to worry about! Alright then, the next challenge is…Frioniel! Let's see…who can steal his lance!"

"Ladies first, Zidane."

"Don't give me the satisfaction of rubbing it in your face!"

_A/N: This is turning into a crack-fic._


	3. Hit and Miss: Zidane

**Chapter Three – Hit and Miss (Zidane)**

"Oh, Frioniel~" I chirruped, putting my hands over his eyes. "Guess who~"

"Zidane."

"You ruined it!" I said, pouting. I wrapped my tail around his eyes while I was looking for his lance.

"Hey, get your tail off, Zidane! I need to look for something. My lance."

"Wait, what?"

"Yeah, my lance. I dropped it earlier here at the Lunar Subterrane, and I can't seem to find it." Just my luck! I bet Bartz took it!

"Hey, I'll help you find it!"

"Would you really, Zidane? Thank you." He said, as I uncurled my tail.

Searching for it was harder than I expected! It was a wide area to cover, and it was kind of hard to look when I was keeping an eye out for Bartz as well.

"Hey, hey Rosebud!" Tidus. "Whatcha doin' Rosebud? We're supposed to be playing Triple Triad with Squall! Bartz is there, too." Sounded good.

"Oh, Tidus, I would, but I'm looking for my lance."

"Your lance?"

"Yeah, I lost it here. Zidane's looking for it, too."

"You sure he didn't steal it?" He punched me lightly. "He is a thief after all."

"Nah, I wouldn't have. Besides, I woulda given it to him if I stole it."

"Pfft, yeah right. You'd be living it up with the fact you stole it off the Weaponmaster."

"Probably." Frioniel cut in.

"Hey, hey!" I patted Frioniel. "I wouldn't steal off of you for the world, buddy."

And so we ended up playing Triple Triad with Squall. He won every round.

"Can't we just play poker?" I asked, hitting my head on the table. "It's no fun when Scarface wins it all." Squall shot me a glare. Cloud put some cards on the table.

"I'm betting six hundred gil." Cloud set his money on the table.

"Eight hundred!" Bartz.

"One thousand." Frioniel.

Tidus looked sheepish. "Eheh, how about I bet Frioniel's lance?" His face grew red when Frioniel stared at him. "Look, I thought if I took it, you'd want to come ask us, and we'd be able to play a little longer. You're always so busy."

"Tidus, stealing isn't the way to do it. I would've loved to play Triple Triad."

"Sorry, Frioniel."

"Aha!" I cried, taking the lance. "I stole it!"

"Z-Zidane!" Everyone yelled.

"Sorry, my friends. I am off to a good start!" I put the lance down.

"Ugh. One point to Zidane." Squall said, pulling out a notepad.

"You keep a tally?" Tidus questioned.

"Yeah. They challenge each other so often that they started losing track. On the whole though, this challenge, Zidane definitely won."

"Well, he is a thief. Personally, I think that you guys should do stuff that isn't your specialty." Cloud stated.

"Makes sense." Bartz nodded. He grabbed Squall's notepad.

Zidane : IIIII IIIII IIIII IIIII IIIII IIIII IIIII

Bartz: IIIII IIIII IIIII IIIII IIIII IIIII IIIII

"Aw, a tie already?" Bartz queried. "Geez, we better think of a new challenge, fast."

"How about a race?" Cloud said. "Onion Knight's pretty fast. You guys can race him. I know you guys are quick on your feet."

"Good luck trying to beat the fastest runner on earth!" Bartz said, jumping out of his seat and racing out of the room.


End file.
